9:41 PM

open wound

bind it 
heal it 
mend it 
clean it
wash it
wrap it
soothe it

i feel the sting. 
pull away
but it hurts. 
don't press in. 
the deep open flesh. 
i'd rather it not be touched. 

show me
tell me
convince me
it needs the binding
all that breaking

deep breath. 
i can hide it. 
it's just pain. 
pain can be manipulated. 
just convince yourself. 
it isn't real. 


all the bleeding. 
the red rawness. 
that lifesource
spilling through the abrasion. 

press in
make me

i feel the wind blow over me. 
i wish it could blow through me.
right in the middle
of my open-wound heart.
i wish i could feel the freshness. the coolness. 
spill over the teared up. 
like cold water on a bleeding cut. 

but you need to see it. 
but you need to face it. 
but you need to say it. 
to speak it. 
everything you're afraid of. 

[ until you have the courage to face your pain.  
   you will never be given the authority to defeat it. ]

pain? what pain. 

i can watch the lie
break the skin of my heart.
i can watch the fragile
begin to tear open.
that oh-too-convinced shadow
of a girl that has for far too long believed it. 

you will never be worthy of love. 
you will never be close to enough. 
you will never fill the emptiness of 
the loneliness that has crippled what's left of your heart. 

breathe out. 

they're like words that tear through you.
that wind. 
the breaks into the crux of your heart. 

here. let me love you. 
let me bind up all your hurt. 
let me serve you. and show you.
all the care you're worthy of.
too tired? just rest now. 
i'll hold the weight of your world.
me? don't worry. 
i'm fine. okay. it's all good. 
but please. 
don't thank me. 
it's my honor to love your heart. 
my hurt? it's not here now. 
let me fix your broken first. 
maybe one day. 
i'll be brave 
to let someone come love me too. 

it's the cancer of the giver. 
the leprosy of the lover.
maybe if you need me, you'll love me. 
maybe if you love me, you'll stay. 

but i'm the never okay.
the broken no glue can mend.
why me.
in all this full earth to love.
why love me. 

- - - 
i've learned. 
there are questions that only the broken up, messed up, wrecked up rawness of life can answer. 
doubts that only walking through the grip of death can cure. 
truths that sink only after the storm has settled. 
there's a nearness that is felt only after you have become aware. 

you see. 
i have found the answer. 
there is no good reason. 
to the 'why me'. 
because the real truth is. 
i am not enough. 
i am sin-stained, scarred by my failures, mocked by my pride.
i'm torn open and often wounded. 
my shame is great because there is no beauty in my self righteousness. 

but there's a hope locked up in a truth sealed with a promise. 

i was made by love
through love
because of love
for love. 
i am sustained by love
healed by love
saved by love
for the sake of love.
it was love that fought for me.
love that chased after me.
it was love that won me. 
so that love itself can be poured out over me. 
so love itself can pour out through me.
so Love Himself can become my identity. 

it is love that presses into the wound. 
so that grace can mend it. 
it is love that defeats the lie with truth. 
so that hope can settle in. 

i have no need to prove myself. 
because i cannot. 
His love-bled-out did it for me. 

my pride can die. 
i will never satisfy. 
but Your love in me is my more than enough. 

You are forever
my always enough.

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