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10:57 PM

sometimes we fall apart.
not because we want to
but because we have to

because we can't breathe anymore
until we let the tears stream down

because our hearts won't beat anymore
until we let the pain hurt

i don't want to run from what hurts
it shapes me
i don't want to pretend the broken isn't there
because it's part of me

sometimes it's better to receive the gift of grieving
than to let bitterness numb my soul
sometimes it's better to fall apart in strong arms
than to try holding up my crumbling world

i don't know the answers
i wish i did though
i don't know why i feel empty
when you call me full.

i look up at the stars
breathe
night after night. they're always there.

i let the rain fall on my face
breathe
i soak it all in deep.

this is good
healing hurts
why do i always think healing is easy
why do i assume strength means an absence of pain.

no.
this is beautiful in the messy
this is promise in the broken
this is life in the dead of winter.

you teach me time and time again
that i dont have it all together
and i dont have to.

you dont want me to.
why trade reality for a mask
why sell authenticity for a show

i do not live to perform
i live for the authentic.
i live vulnerable. 
i live to be real. 

so i will be.
and here it is.
every heartbeat is my proof. my living proof. 
that there's beauty in the dead of winter.

don't wait for me to be perfect.
because i'll never be.
expect me to be real.
and you'll never be disappointed. 



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6 comments

  1. What is living if you don't go through good and bad!? I feel like you just ripped my heart out then stitched it back into my body. Beautifully broken and mended. I enjoyed this post so much. Your words make me feel something.

    Simply Me

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  2. "this is good
    healing hurts
    why do i always think healing is easy
    why do i assume strength means an absence of pain." WOW. wow. wow.

    this is probably the best, most beautiful thing you have ever posted. it resonated with me so much. thank you for your words. thank you for being real

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  3. Hello, everyone has to deal with life's ups and downs. Good times and bad times. Wonderful words and poem. Enjoy your day and weekend!

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  4. So very true how much what happens in our life shapes us and if we learn from it all what an impact that can have! We also can be such a help to others that are going through what we have been through, no need to hide our original selves!

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  5. Thanks for sharing! Blessings to you!

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  6. your writings are so intense!! crying is the best way to renew your soul!!

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