awakening

9:59 AM

christmas is two days away. 
rumor has it that we may have a white christmas after all.

i was flipping through one of my old journals last night finding my way back to what i wrote exactly one year ago from today. 
every completed journal of mine becomes a precious collection of encounters, prayers, prophetic words, and whispers the Father has spoken to my heart. 
every time i begin a new journal, i ask the Holy Spirit what He wants me to name the journal. the name becomes a promise or prophetic word over the next season of my life. 

last christmas i was in the undone. 
this past year i was in the process. 
and my current writings are being held in my journal named the awakening. 

when i first began 'the awakening' a few months ago, my mind was painting beautiful pictures of what that word may mean.
promise. beauty. discovery. answers. wonder.

i thought that somehow awakening means that the process is over. 
that the messy is done with. 
that questions are no longer asked but answered. 
that clarity falls over the season. and promise rises from its sleep. 

but the Father had bigger plans for me. 
He had answers. 
though He swelled my heart with wonder and filled my soul with joy. 
He still wanted me to ask. 
He still wanted me to search and pursue. 
He saw into what I couldn't even imagine. 

i scratched the surface. the Father called me into the deep. 
i tasted goodness. the Father wooed me into an ocean of beauty. 

He was awakening far more than i dreamed of. 

awakening of longing. 
awakening of awareness. 
awakening of desire. 
awakening of vision. 
awakening of emotions. 
awakening of surrender. 
awakening of the authentic. 
awakening of the vulnerable and unfiltered. 
awakening of the depths of me. 
awakening of lamenting. and the gift that grieving truly is. 
awakening of joy that surpasses circumstances. 
a purified hope. 
a mature faith coupled with childlike wonder. 
a stilling of my restless soul. 

he peeled masks off and taught me to live in the authentic. 
he introduced me to wholeness and threw away my idea of pieces. 
he convinced me. time and time again. 
that he is good. 
he is perfect. 
he is too wonderful for me. 
and he will never leave. 

so i can dance through the mourning. 
and sing through the grieving. 
i am confident that joy is yet to come. 
and his goodness will not be withheld from me for even a moment. 

he is awakening
the heaven in me. 


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2 comments

  1. I heard about the snow we might have as well. It'll be a miracle if it actually happens. Awakening. I never thought of naming the journals I write in but what you have learned about awakening is inspiring to me!
    Simply Me

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  2. A beautiful raw reflection. I hope to see the same changes in me this coming year..being undone is a scary process but you remind me of how it is worth it!

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