when you're in the midst of it.
nothing makes sense.
when you feel like the world is caving in on you.
and no matter how loud you scream
no one hears you.
how could you not feel forgotten.

i had a moment.
thinking about seasons. and longing. and questions.
when i realized that he is always speaking.
to all my endless questions.
to every single
why.
when.
how much longer.
why.
why.
why.

he hears.
he knows.
and he answers.

but maybe he's just asking me to listen in a little bit closer.
maybe he's speaking in a new way.
faith is not seeing and believing.
faith is believing when your eyes are blind and everything seems silent.

faith is trusting without knowing.
faith is walking out on the stormiest of waters.
faith is believing that he is good. when everything around you is falling apart.

so in this season.
i may not know all the whys.
i may not know what he's up to.
i may not understand how this all ties up to his good & perfect will.

but i won't resist it.
neither will i stay silent.

i'll prophesy.
i'll prophesy past this season and into my future.
i'll tell my heart.
and sing it over myself.
over and over and over again.
till every last fiber in this wrecked up body of mine believes it.

that he. is. good.
that when i'm out of these woods and in beautiful meadows.
i'll look back and say.
he was with me.
he carried me through it all.
and it was in the midst of all that brokenness. in the center of my deepest loneliness. in the heart of all my emptiness.
that i bore my sweetest fruit.
he nurtured something in me through that season.
he strengthened me in a deep, deep place.
he taught me to dance on disappointment.
he taught me to twirl with tears streaming down my face.
he taught me to sing even from a place of deep sorrow.

because a song of joy sung out of a place of sadness has the sweetest sound.
he knows the sacrifice of praise.
he knows the sacrifice of my worship.
he knows what it takes to let go. and trust. and fall into step with his every heartbeat.

and so i will.

here is all my love
it's yours. no conditions. 
when you pull me close. 
no i won't resist it.