to heal

1:55 PM


drops of rain fall from the heavens. 

drip drop
drip drop

like little diamonds sent from the sky.

can't help wondering. 
can't help getting caught up in the silent screams of my mind.

it looks like the rain has been sent to heal me. 
it looks like the water is ready to mend me.

what is pain. 
what is the blackness knotted with emotions that have no names. 
how do you mix disappointment and emptiness. fear and failure. brokenness and the deadly feeling of being misunderstood. 
all in one

how do you swallow this. again. 

maybe hope has failed you. 
maybe love changed its mind. 
maybe beauty has forsaken you. 
maybe you ran out of time. 

what is pain. 

the more you numb yourself to the pain of others. the more you magnify your own. 

i can't. 
i can't look. i can't care. i can't open myself. 
i can't allow my hands to let go of all my shattered pieces to hold the broken heart of someone else. 
look at me. 
do i look strong enough. 

true compassion is allowing heaven to turn your pain into a balm for someone's heart. 

my brokenness is a curse. 
a thorn in my side. poison in my blood. a hole in my heart.
it tears. it destroys. it leaves me empty and desolate. 
how could it heal. 
how could something broken mend? 

true love is a love that gives and gives until it runs out. and when your love is empty, you dip into the eternal source of heaven. and it begins to heal you. 

it will not break me. 
it  will  heal  me
i will not use pain as an excuse. 
as an excuse to close my eyes to the hurt around me. 
to numb my heart to those who suffer in their own agony. 
to close my hands and forbid them to help. 
to halt my feet from running to bring comfort. 

pain will teach me. 
pain will make me stronger. 
it will not define me. 
it will not lead me. 
it will open my eyes. 
thaw my heart. 
open my hands. 
to the world around me. 

i am no victim. 
i am no orphan. 
i am no longer a slave to brokenness. 

i have victory. 
i am a daughter. 
i am beloved. 

// may the voice of my worship be louder than the voice of my pain //

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  1. It's the rain that finally came wonderful. I am so pleased to see it pouring right now. This morning I took some time to do a little writing about something related to the sadness I feel sometimes. This piece of writing reminded me of how I need to think of pain and sadness. "pain will teach me.
    pain will make me stronger. " Amen to these lines and the many more you wrote.

  2. there is so much in here that makes me think of my friend who's husband passed away a few days ago, I know how much the pain is hurting her but she will come out stronger on the other side, with God granting her peace and comfort. I like the I am no victim part, I feel sometimes I go to that place too much

  3. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God for the rain? He is in the pain, in the brokenness, in the disasters far before the treasure and the gold is purified and seen.

  4. "the more you numb yourself to the pain of others. the more you magnify your own."

    Whoa...Ashley, this line says more than 10,000 words!

  5. wow. wow.

    this was truly one of the most breathtaking things I've read in some time. Im speechless. I really got chills reading that.

    thank you for blessing me with those words. they really hit me. thank you for speaking the words I could not form

  6. Oh dear Ashley!

    You are so Gifted and Blessed!!!

    Sublime portrait of beautiful pouring and how amazingly you took me with you to feel the Peace of Healing.

    Let the pain absorb into you.

    Your patience and faith will turn it into your Strength


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