// A Deeper Calling //

4:52 PM

Life is not perfect. 
It's just not. 
No matter how hard we try. How skillfully we pretend. How deeply we hope. 
Pain is real. We drown in shattered dreams. We're disappointed. Let down. 
By ourselves. By others. By our falling-apart world. 

so how do we cope? 

In the moments when there is no getting up. When we realize we can't undo our deepest regrets. When we're tempted to feel hopeless. Lifeless. 
When we're hurt beyond words. Or feel enslaved to some poison that contaminated our lives. 

where do we i go? 
I was always one to daydream away. One day I'll do this. One day I'll do that. 
I liked to pre-plan my life. Organize my ambitions. Think through my deepest desires for my future. 
You see, I thought I knew what I wanted. More importantly, what I needed. 
Because after all, who could know me better than myself? Who could share my emotions? 

The thing about "controlling your own life" (or at least pretending to control it), is that it often works.                             on the surface. 
For a little while, your plans go through. And, it's not like you have bad dreams. They're good dreams. You want a solid education. An admirable career. A role model family. 
But I found out in my own life, that all these "good dreams" may become a damaging stumbling block if you're determined to go about it your way. 

When I take the time to brutally "soul check", I can often diagnose myself with a deadly disease called pride. 
It's not that I necessarily think to myself that I'm better. But my actions often portray that that's how I feel. 
And maybe I don't look down on others or their opinions, but at the end of the day, mine somehow always seems best. 

And throughout different experiences, I've learned a very important lesson. 

i don't know best. 
i don't control my future. 

i need to let go- of my dreams. my wants. my passions. 

God's spoken to my heart, and I've come to understand that my little "Christmas wish list" for life is nothing compared to His treasures stored for those who faithfully love Him. 
Like Esau, I often trade my "birthright" for the momentary pleasures of this world- a bowl of stew. 
And living a life of selfish ambition leads to emptiness. 
                                                                        hopelessness. 
                                                                        despair. 
            and a deep desire for something more. something satisfying. something true. 
Releasing your heart from yourself and surrendering your life into the hands of a loving Father who knows you. created you. adores you. forgives you. desires a relationship with you, is truly freeing. It's satisfying and fulfilling. It's life. It's breathe. 

Because in the end, He is the one who keeps your heart pumping. 
Who plans your journey step by step. 
Who is with you. For every up and every down.
And you'll see as you begin to empty yourself at the cross, Jesus will begin to fill you with his goodness. And you will overflow with joy, purpose and hope for the future.
Because at least for me, it's much more comforting to know that I'm not control of my life.
I no longer carry that responsibility.
My life is His hands. And I just follow.

<3


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6 comments

  1. What a talent, what a gift you have!!! I really loved reading your this article, it is so inspiring!!! I make plan but don't reach the goals and always is like this. God should rule our life and as you said we should leave our plans in only and only His Hands. God bless you my dear friend and thank you for your blessings and prayers. Liuba x

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    1. Liuba, darling! How sweet of you to stop by...thank you for your sweet words. I totally agree with your thoughts! I love how you said "only" in His hands. I pray this will be a reality in my life. Blessings, love!

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  2. Oh my goodness, I really needed this right now. Thank you!

    -Abi-
    http://authorofmyhope11.blogspot.com/

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    1. Abi, your comment almost brought me to tears. I feel truly humbled to know that somehow I might have brightened your day. :) Thank you for stopping by; hope I'll get to see you again soon. Blessings!

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  3. This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing such beautiful, intimate thoughts. They touched a special part of my soul.

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  4. Very true and encouraging words, Ashley! They were good for me to read at this particular season of life. It's good to begin to learn these things when we're young.

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