tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53454503470769247432024-03-05T08:42:48.957-08:00Like No OtherAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16096409577862199342noreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-5202269852366915052020-03-18T21:33:00.001-07:002020-03-18T21:33:21.535-07:00secret place <div style="text-align: center;">
i will give you the treasures of the darkness and the hoards in secret places, </div>
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that you may know that it is i, the lord, the god of israel, who call you by your name. </div>
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i call you by your name, i name you, though you do not know me. i am the lord, and there is no other, besides me there is no god; </div>
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i equip you though you do not know me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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isaiah 45 : 3-4</div>
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oh, but the treasures of the darkness. </div>
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the mysteries of the unknown. where there is no life without trust.</div>
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because there comes a time where i have to surrender to the truth that i cannot lead myself & i must go where you go. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i thought i had learned what it meant to be undone. </div>
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all these years of unraveling and the broken open and i always wondered how hearts still beat when they're under the knife of the surgeon. </div>
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but here i am.</div>
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being cut into and i feel all my heartstrings being readjusted because i have grown to love everything i am not meant to have. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i remember you once told me that you're a jealous lover. </div>
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i was made to be loved by all of you and you won't share any part of me. </div>
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<i>you strip me of everything i love the most until you become what i love the most. </i></div>
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<br /></div>
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maybe there really is no growing without the pruning. </div>
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the going deeper cannot happen without the ground breaking. </div>
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the roots sink and the earth opens to let the life out. </div>
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<i>you bled open to let the love out. </i></div>
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<br /></div>
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can i stay here for a moment. </div>
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so i can learn once more how to breathe. </div>
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you still me. hush me. </div>
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oh heart, s t o p r e s i s t i n g </div>
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if i would only learn that you're my everything. </div>
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<br /></div>
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[ i feel you touch my open wounds, and i come undone. </div>
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if i'm out of focus, should i orbit your love. ] </div>
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<br /></div>
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you show me the gifts in the secret places. </div>
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the beauty in the hidden. </div>
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all that messy work where no one sees. </div>
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<br /></div>
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all my life i thought i had to be okay. </div>
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if i can keep it all together, no one will see the broken parts of me? </div>
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i think you waited for me to figure it out on my own...</div>
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no one can hide their humanity. </div>
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<br /></div>
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but you're drawn to what i'm desperate to conceal. </div>
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where there's work to be done, there's more room for love. </div>
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if i had it all together, there would be no more space for you. </div>
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i am full when i am empty. </div>
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because it is then when i see my need for you. </div>
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<br /></div>
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but it's the hard lesson to learn. </div>
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that life is not a performance but a process. </div>
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i cannot earn love. </div>
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life isn't about not feeling alone but finding a way to make others feel known. </div>
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the best way to spend yourself is full given.<br />
<br />
given when your heart is broken.<br />
given when your bucket is full.<br />
given in the wilderness or in lands flowing with milk and honey.<br />
<br />
maybe what really matters is that we find ourselves in dying to ourselves.</div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-64099790326418579522019-07-07T20:50:00.007-07:002019-07-07T20:53:44.724-07:00journal scribbles and these are the words that happen behind the scenes of a messy, vulnerable, yet painfully beautiful journey with the Spirit of the Lord...<br />
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Father has been teaching me the gift of moments savored not shared. </div>
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in a world that is obsessed with defining a moment by exposing it to the world, there is a sacredness in the hiddenness of beauty. </div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
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however, this pen-on-paper moment.</div>
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these marks of ink that sunk into my heart defined a season for me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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it's been a wild year. </div>
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i celebrated a birthday just a little over a month ago. </div>
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and i've been overwhelmed by how much i have yet to grow. </div>
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there are times, yes, when it seems like there's so much pain and so little progress.</div>
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i have been under the knife of the steady hand of the Father over the last months. </div>
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when i think i've come so far, it is then when i am reminded of my insufficiency. </div>
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i am not enough. </div>
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i have not reached my max capacity of goodness (as if you can cap infinity). </div>
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i am still broken open, singing through the wailing, dancing through the uncertainty, learning to invite the Presence of the Lover into my every moment of every day. </div>
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<br /></div>
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oh, but i am overwhelmed. </div>
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undone. </div>
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completely unraveled. </div>
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melting in the goodness. </div>
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so much goodness. </div>
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oh, Father. </div>
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so much goodness. </div>
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<br /></div>
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...</div>
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<br /></div>
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i think the words that i write, the songs that i sing. </div>
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are never a product of just one moment. </div>
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i think who i am in this moment is a revealing of a lifetime of process. </div>
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i am always in the becoming. </div>
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i am always in the growing. </div>
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the ground has just been broken, the seed has only been planted, the roots have so far to journey in the garden of the Father. </div>
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<br /></div>
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here's my heart. </div>
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in the moment. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<i>it’s like everything around me was bursting open with the fullness of His goodness and it’s His tenderness and gentleness and quietness and steady patience that brands in me the truth of my identity and i felt as if today layers of my false identity died as the depths of my being that just yearn for Him were resurrected. all in all in all in. i want all in. i want You all the time, everywhere, in everything, all my life. i think i’m at the breaking point of my capacity to hold His beauty. Father, expand my ability to hold what you’re pouring into my being.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">i invite you to invade every aspect of my existence. i</i><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"> give you access </i><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>to take</i></span></span><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"> control over every area of my life. i</i><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"> want our </i><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>communion</i></span></span><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"> to be </i><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>always</i></span></span><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">. i</i><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"> want to be so connected. so connected that the whole world knows who comes first. that You come first. i</i><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"> </i><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>want</i></span></span><i style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"> to </i><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><i style="font-size: 12px;">experience life all in. i</i><i style="font-size: 12px;"> only have one life to live on this earth and i</i><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>'m</i></span><i style="font-size: 12px;"> not wasting it. i</i><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>'m</i></span><i style="font-size: 12px;"> done wasting it. i</i><i style="font-size: 12px;"> want You. every second of every hour of every day for a lifetime. i</i><i style="font-size: 12px;"> want you in every moment for my whole lifetime. i</i><i style="font-size: 12px;"> </i><i style="font-size: 12px;">want you, just you, all you, only you, forever you. if i</i><i style="font-size: 12px;"> have you i</i><i style="font-size: 12px;"> don't need anything and </i><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>i</i></span><i style="font-size: 12px;"> have you so i</i><i style="font-size: 12px;"> have everything. Holy Spirit, come invade my atmospheres. move in me. fill me. pour over me. into me. until </i><span style="font-size: 12px;"><i>i</i></span><i style="font-size: 12px;"> overflow. all my life- overflow. </i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-68350908962053360582019-07-03T19:34:00.001-07:002019-07-03T19:34:37.740-07:00ALL IN <i>you break open my heart so i can bleed out the love this world so desperately needs. </i><br />
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<br /></div>
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you woo me through the hurting.<br />
i know it's true.<br />
when i wander too far, it's the wounded parts of me that remember how desperately i need your loving.<br />
and here you find me.<br />
your love so wild there's never a too far to recapture me.<br />
my affections are turning on you.<br />
<br />
there's a constant awareness.<br />
this restless presence.<br />
you're always here.<br />
<br />
in my night you shine like starlight from a million miles away.<br />
yet what seems so far is really my reality.<br />
you're not locked up in the heavens.<br />
you walk earth beside me.<br />
<br />
you know what soul inside flesh feels like.<br />
you have lived my humanity.<br />
you, the glorious one, felt the knife of rejection.<br />
rejected by your chosen ones.<br />
<br />
you have felt the hunger of the hopeless.<br />
the thirst of the oppressed.<br />
you loved in the depths of betrayal.<br />
you forgave in the midst of false accusations.<br />
you gave yourself away freely.<br />
<i>there was no holding back </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
it is not in your nature to withhold.<br />
you cannot love half-heartedly.<br />
<br />
in a world consumed by self-gratification.<br />
yours is a love that is lost in givenness.<br />
<br />
this battle of trust in the depths of my longing.<br />
to surrender is the climax of intimacy.<br />
you heal my heart through the storms of suffering.<br />
i find grace in the rest of your gentleness.<br />
<br />
i can trust you.<br />
i know that full well.<br />
you are everything.<br />
i have fullness, even if i posses nothing, if i have you.<br />
<br />
i'm drowning in this mystery.<br />
pressing all in as you call me.<br />
your love so overwhelming.<br />
i'm lost in your infinity.<br />
<br />
you've told me from the very beginning,<br />
as your Father arms cradled me.<br />
i was born for Heaven beauty.<br />
greatness inside humility.<br />
victory inside surrender.<br />
honor inside serving.<br />
receiving inside the giving.<br />
<br />
you knew what pain it would take to shape me.<br />
you risked it all to take me<br />
exactly where you knew i should be.<br />
<br />
i thank you for your sovereignty.<br />
heaven knows you know exactly what your'e doing.<br />
now i resurrect in my awakening.<br />
<br />
your breath my lifeline. my sanity.<br />
wonder overtakes me.<br />
the supernatural invades my vacancy.<br />
<br />
here i am. all yours.<br />
take me. </div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-63706196550716456632019-06-27T20:16:00.000-07:002019-06-27T20:16:25.430-07:00remembrance <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
in my silence you find a way into my thoughts. </div>
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in my coldness you find a way into my heart. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i feel you press into my open wounds. </div>
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the blood is spilling but you're still holding my broken parts. </div>
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is this how you remind me of your presence. </div>
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is wounding the path into remembrance. </div>
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<i>awareness</i> </div>
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<br /></div>
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why does it always feel like i've been here before. </div>
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why does it always feel like i'm still standing. never moving. </div>
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never growing? </div>
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no. i was meant to forever be changing. </div>
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<br /></div>
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life is found in the movement of our being. </div>
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there is no life without seasons. </div>
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no existence without the deepening. </div>
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...now growing without the breaking?</div>
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<br /></div>
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how is it that i learn the most when i hurt the most. </div>
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<br /></div>
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oh, but how you know me. </div>
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you find your way inside the dungeon of my emptiness. </div>
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what happens when i don't want to be loved? </div>
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<br /></div>
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when i don't know how to be loved? </div>
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<br /></div>
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you pursue me. </div>
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how do i respond to a love so wild. </div>
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you fight for me. </div>
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how do i surrender to a force that will never relent. </div>
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you wrestle with me. </div>
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you won't rest until you convince me. </div>
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of all that you are. </div>
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<br /></div>
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have me. </div>
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take me. </div>
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break me. </div>
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all yours </div>
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all yours </div>
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all yours. </div>
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<br /></div>
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all in. </div>
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sinking. </div>
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deep end. </div>
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<br /></div>
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in the silence i listen to my lungs breathing. </div>
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this is you. </div>
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my air. </div>
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my oxygen. </div>
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l i f e s o u r c e </div>
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<br /></div>
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how is it that i keep forgetting. </div>
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the purpose for my living. </div>
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<br /></div>
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remembrance is the nurturing of intimacy. </div>
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always finding my way to the beginning. </div>
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there is a beauty in the simplicity. </div>
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when nothing else is needed. </div>
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you are my everything. </div>
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<br /></div>
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my head knows it. will my heart believe it? </div>
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to trust that you know <strike>better</strike> best and i can release to your working. </div>
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<br /></div>
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[ release is a difference kind of receiving. </div>
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surrender is its own kind of healing. ]</div>
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<br /></div>
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yes. </div>
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my believing is my awakening. </div>
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i am not to think i am entitled to life the way i thought it should be. </div>
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you are the one who dwells in sovereignty. </div>
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teach me. maybe for the a thousandth time over again. </div>
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freedom is found when i learn to relent. </div>
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<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-47545381405404455332019-03-31T21:41:00.000-07:002019-04-01T08:57:27.227-07:00enough<div>
open wound</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>bind it </i></div>
<div>
<i>heal it </i></div>
<div>
<i>mend it </i></div>
<div>
<i>clean it</i></div>
<div>
<i>wash it</i></div>
<div>
<i>wrap it</i></div>
<div>
<i>comfort </i></div>
<div>
<i>soothe it</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
i feel the sting. </div>
<div>
pull away</div>
<div>
but it hurts. </div>
<div>
don't press in. </div>
<div>
the deep open flesh. </div>
<div>
i'd rather it not be touched. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>show me</i></div>
<div>
<i>tell me</i></div>
<div>
<i>maybe</i></div>
<div>
<i>convince me</i></div>
<div>
<i>it needs the binding</i></div>
<div>
<i>all that breaking</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
deep breath. </div>
<div>
i can hide it. </div>
<div>
it's just pain. </div>
<div>
pain can be manipulated. </div>
<div>
just convince yourself. </div>
<div>
it isn't real. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>silence</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
all the bleeding. </div>
<div>
the red rawness. </div>
<div>
that lifesource</div>
<div>
spilling through the abrasion. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>press in</i></div>
<div>
<i>make me</i></div>
<div>
<i>open </i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i feel the wind blow over me. </div>
<div>
i wish it could blow through me.</div>
<div>
right in the middle</div>
<div>
of my open-wound heart.</div>
<div>
i wish i could feel the freshness. the coolness. </div>
<div>
spill over the teared up. </div>
<div>
like cold water on a bleeding cut. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>but you need to see it. </i></div>
<div>
<i>but you need to face it. </i></div>
<div>
<i>but you need to say it. </i></div>
<div>
<i>to speak it. </i></div>
<div>
<i>everything you're afraid of. </i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
[ until you have the courage to face your pain. </div>
<div>
you will never be given the authority to defeat it. ]</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
pain? what pain. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i can watch the lie</div>
<div>
break the skin of my heart.</div>
<div>
i can watch the fragile</div>
<div>
begin to tear open.</div>
<div>
that oh-too-convinced shadow</div>
<div>
of a girl that has for far too long believed it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<strike>you will never be worthy of love. </strike></div>
<div>
<strike>you will never be close to enough. </strike></div>
<div>
<strike>you will never fill the emptiness of </strike></div>
<div>
<strike>the loneliness that has crippled what's left of your heart. </strike></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
breathe out. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
they're like words that tear through you.</div>
<div>
that wind. </div>
<div>
the breaks into the crux of your heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
here. let me love you. </div>
<div>
let me bind up all your hurt. </div>
<div>
let me serve you. and show you.</div>
<div>
all the care you're worthy of.</div>
<div>
too tired? just rest now. </div>
<div>
i'll hold the weight of your world.</div>
<div>
me? don't worry. </div>
<div>
i'm fine. okay. it's all good. </div>
<div>
but please. </div>
<div>
don't thank me. </div>
<div>
it's my honor to love your heart. </div>
<div>
my hurt? it's not here now. </div>
<div>
let me fix your broken first. </div>
<div>
maybe one day. </div>
<div>
i'll be brave </div>
<div>
to let someone come love me too. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it's the cancer of the giver. </div>
<div>
the leprosy of the lover.</div>
<div>
maybe if you need me, you'll love me. </div>
<div>
maybe if you love me, you'll stay. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but i'm the never okay.</div>
<div>
the broken no glue can mend.</div>
<div>
why me.</div>
<div>
in all this full earth to love.</div>
<div>
why love me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
- - - </div>
<div>
i've learned. </div>
<div>
there are questions that only the broken up, messed up, wrecked up rawness of life can answer. </div>
<div>
doubts that only walking through the grip of death can cure. </div>
<div>
truths that sink only after the storm has settled. </div>
<div>
there's a nearness that is felt only after you have become aware. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you see. </div>
<div>
i have found the answer. </div>
<div>
there is no good reason. </div>
<div>
to the 'why me'. </div>
<div>
because the real truth is. </div>
<div>
i am not enough. </div>
<div>
i am sin-stained, scarred by my failures, mocked by my pride.</div>
<div>
i'm torn open and often wounded. </div>
<div>
my shame is great because there is no beauty in my self righteousness. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but there's a hope locked up in a truth sealed with a promise. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i was made by love</div>
<div>
through love</div>
<div>
because of love</div>
<div>
for love. </div>
<div>
i am sustained by love</div>
<div>
healed by love</div>
<div>
saved by love</div>
<div>
for the sake of love.</div>
<div>
it was love that fought for me.</div>
<div>
love that chased after me.</div>
<div>
it was love that won me. </div>
<div>
so that love itself can be poured out over me. </div>
<div>
so love itself can pour out through me.</div>
<div>
so Love Himself can become my identity. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it is love that presses into the wound. </div>
<div>
so that grace can mend it. </div>
<div>
it is love that defeats the lie with truth. </div>
<div>
so that hope can settle in. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i have no need to prove myself. </div>
<div>
because i cannot. </div>
<div>
His love-bled-out did it for me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
my pride can die. </div>
<div>
i will never satisfy. </div>
<div>
but Your love in me is my more than enough. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You are forever</div>
<div>
my always enough.</div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-10349976383829201902019-02-09T20:30:00.000-08:002019-02-09T20:31:01.104-08:00u n d o n e <div style="text-align: left;">
goodness. </div>
<div>
it's like i fall more in love with you every day. </div>
<div>
i try to close my eyes and think of a moment without you. </div>
<div>
and it paralyzes me. </div>
<div>
i can't imagine what i'd do. </div>
<div>
i can't imagine how i'd make it past a single heartbeat. </div>
<div>
without you being my everything. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
life is wild. </div>
<div>
actually. really my heart is wild. </div>
<div>
i barely understand it. </div>
<div>
sometimes i wonder if those who chase answers to the greatest mysteries of earth </div>
<div>
have ever even solved the great mystery of their own heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i'm beginning to think that the only way i can uncover my own heart</div>
<div>
is by discovering your heart in it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
[ less of me. more of you. ]</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
the only way to truly find myself</div>
<div>
is to find you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i know that when i get too confident in my own strength. </div>
<div>
you need to remind me. </div>
<div>
that it's really you who holds my whole world together. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i feel like i'm learning vulnerability all over again. </div>
<div>
goodness. </div>
<div>
why does it hurt so adkjhfs much when all of the sudden all your weakness is exposed.</div>
<div>
what even is that sting in the depths of me when suddenly my messiness is poured right out of me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
u n f i l t e r e d m o m e n t s</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i can try to contain my life. </div>
<div>
try to withhold everything i hope no one will ever see. </div>
<div>
everything i have no intention of anyone every finding out. </div>
<div>
but you have a different plan. </div>
<div>
clearly.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
to truly be known is to be fully exposed. </div>
<div>
and when you are fully exposed then you can truly know love. </div>
<div>
because real love presses into all the broken and sees something worth fighting for. </div>
<div>
something worth chasing. </div>
<div>
real love is unafraid of broken things. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i know. </div>
<div>
because i've watched you love me over and over again. </div>
<div>
i failed you. </div>
<div>
and it hurts the depths of me. </div>
<div>
to know that i grieved your heart. </div>
<div>
your Father-heart. </div>
<div>
that i wounded the love that bled itself out for me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but despite all of my not-enoughness. </div>
<div>
you loved me, even when i was infested with the sin you despise. </div>
<div>
and now you're teaching me. </div>
<div>
not only to give this kind of love. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but to receive it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
the humility of receiving is something i have yet to come close to attain. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<strike>why can it feel so easy to pour out but so hard to let someone else love you </strike></div>
<div>
<strike><br /></strike></div>
<div>
i want it.</div>
<div>
Father. </div>
<div>
i want it all. </div>
<div>
everything you're trying to teach me. </div>
<div>
everything you're trying to show me. </div>
<div>
everywhere you're trying to take me. </div>
<div>
i want to be all in. </div>
<div>
i want you and nothing else and no one else and nowhere else. </div>
<div>
but you. </div>
<div>
where you are. </div>
<div>
that's where i want to be. </div>
<div>
with you </div>
<div>
in you</div>
<div>
for you </div>
<div>
surrounded by you </div>
<div>
completely overwhelmed by you</div>
<div>
completely overtaken and undone and possessed by the essence of your beauty. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>you </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
that's it. </div>
<div>
my everything. </div>
<div>
my every moment of every day. </div>
<div>
because i love you. </div>
<div>
and the way you love me..</div>
<div>
it just leaves me undone. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-70085254507998635742019-01-31T22:16:00.000-08:002019-01-31T22:16:36.936-08:00i just want you <div style="text-align: left;">
i wonder what our hearts would sound like if they were songs. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
can you imagine. </div>
<div>
an entire heaven dancing to the rhythms of our breathing lungs. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
goodness. </div>
<div>
this madness. </div>
<div>
the beauty. </div>
<div>
of this gift we call life. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
to share in your Presence. </div>
<div>
to share in your suffering. </div>
<div>
to share in your wonder. </div>
<div>
to share in your love. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i've learned a lot of things recently. </div>
<div>
about the Father, but really about myself. </div>
<div>
it's funny how i'll live all my days in this fragile body and barely know the skin that cradles my heartbeat. </div>
<div>
you know me better than i know myself. </div>
<div>
it hits me deep sometimes. </div>
<div>
you know what i'm feeling before i can even make sense of it. </div>
<div>
and you just sit there. you listen. </div>
<div>
you listen to me. you pursue me. you chase me. </div>
<div>
as if you never even knew me at all. </div>
<div>
as if you were trying to discover the depths of me. </div>
<div>
as if you were trying to uncover the secrets of my heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
that kind of love. </div>
<div>
so wild. </div>
<div>
you want to learn me all over again. </div>
<div>
and when we're done, </div>
<div>
we start from the beginning. </div>
<div>
so you won't miss a thing. </div>
<div>
no. </div>
<div>
you don't miss a thing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
there's something about you. </div>
<div>
something about the way you love me. </div>
<div>
it leaves me undone. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i crawled the whole earth hoping to fill the emptiness. </div>
<div>
of a vacancy that could only be filled by your heart. </div>
<div>
i was made for a heaven kind of communion. </div>
<div>
i was woven for an intimate kind of relation. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i know. </div>
<div>
i know that no one could ever replace you. </div>
<div>
i'd never want anything to even dare come close. </div>
<div>
forgive me for forgetting. </div>
<div>
that you are enough. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it can be scary</div>
<div>
when you begin to believe you're walking alone. </div>
<div>
but there's never a moment when i'm abandoned</div>
<div>
because your heart is my home. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you know what i need. </div>
<div>
you know what i want. </div>
<div>
and you care. </div>
<div>
the smallest detail matters to you. </div>
<div>
my every longing. </div>
<div>
is important to your Father heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
when i laugh, you smile. i hear you humming to the love songs we sing together. </div>
<div>
every day. </div>
<div>
our story just gets more intricately beautiful. </div>
<div>
a constant finding. </div>
<div>
a constant seeking. </div>
<div>
the more i press in. the more you draw me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
goodness. </div>
<div>
it's like an eternity is just beginning inside of me. </div>
<div>
when i look at you. </div>
<div>
i know. </div>
<div>
you are the reason i am existing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i want to spend every day learning. </div>
<div>
how to love the way you've loved me. </div>
<div>
and i'm still deep in the process. </div>
<div>
of learning about trusting. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it can be hard- and you know. </div>
<div>
when so many lesser loves left me. </div>
<div>
but you stand with me. patiently. </div>
<div>
until i'm ready. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so take me where you're going. </div>
<div>
lead me deeper into all you are. </div>
<div>
i don't want it if you're not in it. </div>
<div>
i just want you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>i don't want it if you're not in it. </i></div>
<div>
<i>i just want you. </i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-63839743993636139012018-11-29T08:46:00.000-08:002018-11-29T08:46:28.719-08:00< 3<div style="text-align: left;">
sometimes i sit here. </div>
<div>
thinking of all the things i'd want to say. </div>
<div>
all the things that are buried so deep inside me. </div>
<div>
i wonder if i'll ever find words to exhale all my thoughts. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
my world seems so still now. </div>
<div>
i'm watching the steam dance from my peach green tea in my snowman mug. </div>
<div>
the ground is soaked from the heavy rains outside. </div>
<div>
the trees are resting now that the winds have passed. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
another year has come and gone.</div>
<div>
and i look back. </div>
<div>
almost afraid to see. </div>
<div>
almost afraid to remember all that this year has given me. </div>
<div>
i breathe it all in. </div>
<div>
how in heaven's name was i strong enough</div>
<div>
to come out alive. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i think i was supposed to shatter. </div>
<div>
i think all the sorrow was supposed to break me. </div>
<div>
i think i was supposed to get lost in my undone. </div>
<div>
because<strike> where would i be</strike>. who would i be. </div>
<div>
if i didn't learn.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
if i didn't learn to love when every last piece of my strung up heart was broken. </div>
<div>
if i didn't learn to give so unconditioned. </div>
<div>
to pour so relentlessly. </div>
<div>
to pursue with such passion. </div>
<div>
who i would be. </div>
<div>
if i wasn't brought to my knees a million times over again.<br />if i didn't find you in the moments when i was on the floor. unable to breathe because of the pain. </div>
<div>
if i didn't learn to trust you when you told me i was made to be a wholehearted lover. </div>
<div>
i was born to pour until i'm empty. just so i can be filled to overflow. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i look back. </div>
<div>
this time unafraid. </div>
<div>
because all this. </div>
<div>
it made me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i wouldn't take a moment of my wrecked up year back. </div>
<div>
i'm grateful. </div>
<div>
i'm grateful for the sweetness. </div>
<div>
for the moments of laughter and dancing. </div>
<div>
for friendships that blossomed and flourished. </div>
<div>
for other relationships that burned out and died. </div>
<div>
i'm grateful for the intimacy entangled in every moment. </div>
<div>
for the ways you loved me so deeply when i needed it most. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i am stronger. </div>
<div>
i am stronger because i learned to sing with tears streaming down my face. </div>
<div>
i am stronger because i learned to love with bleeding hands and a broken heart. </div>
<div>
i am stronger because i chose to pursue even when it all seemed hopeless. </div>
<div>
i am stronger because i chose to seek the authentic life. and surrender my need for a perfect life. </div>
<div>
i am stronger because i was hurt but still mended the wounds of my accuser. </div>
<div>
i am stronger because i was misunderstood but, even then, i fell deeper into grace. </div>
<div>
i am stronger because i found a new song in my being. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this. </div>
<div>
this is the messy. the process. the unraveling. the becoming. the finding. </div>
<div>
this is my humanity. </div>
<div>
to feel pain is to know you are human. </div>
<div>
dead things don't cry. </div>
<div>
i've cried an ocean of tears. </div>
<div>
but i never stopped dancing to the love song you're singing over me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and i can say thank you. </div>
<div>
thank you for believing i was strong enough to not take the easy road. </div>
<div>
thank you for bringing me into the wild. </div>
<div>
thank you for breaking me. </div>
<div>
so all the beauty inside can seap through the cracks. </div>
<div>
thank you for knowing all that i was born to do. </div>
<div>
and pushing me- beyond all imagination- to live into that. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
thank you for never leaving me. </div>
<div>
thank you for forever choosing me. </div>
<div>
thank you for endlessly loving me. </div>
<div>
thank you that this adventure is but beginning. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Father. </div>
<div>
i love you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-37045215994497227002018-10-04T22:07:00.000-07:002018-10-04T22:07:42.239-07:00| with you |<div style="text-align: left;">
i remember every precious moment with you. </div>
<div>
every memory that is cradled tenderly somewhere deep inside. </div>
<div>
i linger on to every sacred stillness. </div>
<div>
i hold on to every blessed silence where tongues were mute but our eyes were screaming. </div>
<div>
i've learned to read into your breathing. </div>
<div>
i've learned to listen to the words your mouth may not say, but your heart will never stop singing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you've known me forever. </div>
<div>
you were convinced from the birth of my existence. </div>
<div>
and now i, too, rediscover what has always been familiar to my soul. </div>
<div>
i was woven by this intimacy, for this intimacy. </div>
<div>
your intention is relation. </div>
<div>
your passion is communion. </div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<i>i was created a wholehearted lover, by a wholehearted lover </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
it runs through my veins. </div>
<div>
i can't run out. </div>
<div>
because you don't run out. </div>
<div>
no one can put out a fire that you ignited. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
your heart is too beautiful. </div>
<div>
i can't look away.</div>
<div>
to breathe, is to inhale the very oxygen from your lungs. </div>
<div>
to exist, is to be dependent. to lean into arms much stronger than my own. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>lifesource. to never love is to never live. </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
there is a receiving in the giving. </div>
<div>
in losing myself, i find you. </div>
<div>
in the emptiness, there is a fullness that floods in. </div>
<div>
there is a hallowed gift in the sacrificing of self. </div>
<div>
there are parts of me that only learn to live once they've chosen to die.<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
i feel it.<br />
a deep smile.<br />
you look at me.<br />
<br />
<i>you dont even know how much i love you. </i><br />
<i>you dont even know how much im in love with you. </i><br />
<br />
i've become used to an earthly kind of love.<br />
conditioned.<br />
i've become used to trying to be enough.<br />
performance.<br />
but your love is different.<br />
<br />
i don't have to hide.<br />
you see.<br />
i don't have to pretend.<br />
you know everything.<br />
i don't have to fake it.<br />
you understand.<br />
i don't have to be okay.<br />
you listen.<br />
i don't have to be afraid.<br />
you stay.<br />
i don't have to be ashamed.<br />
you forgive.<br />
i don't have to have it all together.<br />
because you hold it all together for me.<br />
<br />
i've learned.<br />
that there's only one voice that defines me.<br />
and you say everything will be okay.<br />
i can dance because you're singing over me.<br />
i can smile because your laughter fills me.<br />
i can grieve because you weep with me.<br />
i can be confident. that i am who you say i am.<br />
<br />
i was born to defy against the well known standards.<br />
i was born to be reckless. radical. different.<br />
because when heaven invades earth. it's supernatural.<br />
my story is a testimony. and i won't stop singing.<br />
<br />
and the enemy will regret every attack he makes on me.<br />
because what he means to hurt me. will heal me.<br />
what he means to break me. will make me.<br />
what he means to haunt me. will hold me.<br />
what he means to destroy me. will strengthen me.<br />
<br />
deep down.<br />
i have found a new confidence.<br />
i can freefall<br />
because i know you'll catch me.<br />
<br />
you say<br />
<i>baby, are you ready. </i><br />
<i>will you go where i am leading. </i><br />
<i>do you trust in me completely. </i><br />
<i>i am calling. will you listen. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
it doesn't matter where you take me.<br />
i know wonder will carry me.<br />
it doesn't matter where i'm going.<br />
as long as i'm there with you.<br />
i'm not afraid of what i may be losing.<br />
because in you, i have everything.<br />
<br />
empty handed. but full hearted.<br />
maybe broken. but never forgotten.<br />
this is just the beginning of my undone.<br />
i've made up my mind.<br />
and there's no going back now.<br />
<br />
<3</div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-77976592449171994852018-09-17T16:12:00.000-07:002018-09-17T16:16:58.983-07:00UNEARTH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i love nature. </div>
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i love nature because it's unfiltered. </div>
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because it exists in the fullness of its rawness. </div>
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it does not hide. </div>
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it does not mask. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i love earth because it does not cover itself in layers of self protection. </div>
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when autumn comes and trees are left barren and naked. </div>
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it surrenders. </div>
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when winter comes and the beauty of the world turns to lifeless coldness. </div>
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when things get broken and frozen. when the shining sun turns to irate storms. </div>
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it stands with confidence. </div>
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<br /></div>
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there's a beauty that creeps into my body through my bare feet </div>
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as i walk. planting my feet deeply into earth's soil. </div>
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there's a stillness that washes over me as i lie over the dust. </div>
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and let the wind blow over me. </div>
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there's a hope that covers me. </div>
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as i let the rain drench me. as i let the rain wash off all my false layers. </div>
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as i let the floods of heaven</div>
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unearth me. </div>
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unmask me. </div>
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undo me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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there's so much to learn</div>
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from our beautiful earth. </div>
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it's our home now. </div>
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but it's a mirror. </div>
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of everything we were meant to be. </div>
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<br /></div>
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how is it. </div>
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that the climax of creation failed to surrender. </div>
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but all these lesser beauties</div>
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have faithfully sung in harmony with their maker. </div>
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<br /></div>
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we were born to be dependent. </div>
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we are not self made. </div>
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we are not self-sufficient. </div>
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we were born to dance through the seasons. </div>
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to understand that even the wildest storm </div>
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was sent with a reason. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i was born</div>
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to walk through the garden. </div>
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with you. forever. </div>
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i was made for this kind of communion-</div>
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questions. laughter. silence. </div>
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i was made to be held</div>
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i was made to be loved</div>
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i was made to be the completion </div>
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of a beautiful work begun. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i know it's time. </div>
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to go back to the beginning. </div>
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where i can learn to be free</div>
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like the art that was created before me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i was made beautiful</div>
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i can be confident</div>
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that the oxygen in my lungs </div>
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will never be wasted. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<3</div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-4111511048476219482018-09-13T21:38:00.000-07:002018-09-13T21:38:40.671-07:00REGRET <div style="text-align: left;">
i open my hands. </div>
<div>
gently, i trace the lines that have sunk into my fragile skin. </div>
<div>
they're worn out. tired. heavily used. </div>
<div>
it's like every unique pattern of my fingerprint tells a different story. </div>
<div>
i feel the coarse edges of my broken flesh cry. </div>
<div>
they want to be noticed. </div>
<div>
they demand their legends be heard. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>breathe </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
my scars stay silent. </div>
<div>
they need not call attention to themselves. </div>
<div>
the piercing eyes of their mockers already haunt the fading beauty of my worn out hands. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
r e g r e t </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it's as if we've been taught. </div>
<div>
that the more we loath our failures, the more virtuous we become. </div>
<div>
it's as if the fine discipline of self-hatred has become the substitute of love. </div>
<div>
maybe if we spend our whole lives chasing this false humility, our deepest secrets will be overlooked. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
let it sink in. </div>
<div>
no use hiding. there's nowhere to go. </div>
<div>
until you've learned to accept the face in the mirror that glares back at all your brokenness, you will never know what it truly means to love. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we've become so used to trying to mend our imperfections, and run from our emptiness, and hide all our not-enoughness. </div>
<div>
it's not about screaming your testimony from the mountain tops.</div>
<div>
it's become the hiding of the messiness of your legacy so maybe. just maybe. all of earth will never know. </div>
<div>
maybe. just maybe. </div>
<div>
no one will know. </div>
<div>
that you are one broken heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what's the use. </div>
<div>
if all of heaven. </div>
<div>
already knows. </div>
<div>
that no matter how hard you try to hold the pieces together. </div>
<div>
you're still a blessed wreck. </div>
<div>
and no matter how hard you try to paint your hurting with a forged smile. </div>
<div>
you're still collapsing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
regret is the curse of an enemy who will spend his last breath trying to convince you that you are not good enough. </div>
<div>
regret is the bitter taste that lingers in your soul when you refuse to receive joy. </div>
<div>
regret is the resentment that boils in your blood.<br />maybe forgiving yourself is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. </div>
<div>
but if you never learn to surrender to the gift of mercy, you'll never be given the grace to be the giver of such love. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
yes.</div>
<div>
life is about giving. </div>
<div>
and pouring. </div>
<div>
and serving. </div>
<div>
and sacrificing the deepest parts of our existence. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but receiving is a different kind of giving.</div>
<div>
surrendering to the tender love of another is a different kind of humility. </div>
<div>
learning to rejoice in your sacred chaos is a different kind of strength. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we are not made for perfection. </div>
<div>
our brokenness is the most beautiful things about us. </div>
<div>
it's our existence. </div>
<div>
it's our humanity. </div>
<div>
it's our gift. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because in this life we were promised pain. </div>
<div>
and in the pain we were promised healing. </div>
<div>
and my Father said that there's no love without the pain. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so, Child. </div>
<div>
maybe it's time you lift your head up. </div>
<div>
maybe it's time you let the tears burn and the wounds sting. </div>
<div>
it's time you surrender to the healing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and if you never have the courage to face your deepest fear</div>
<div>
you will never be given the authority to defeat it. </div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-58339597825084501102018-09-01T19:41:00.000-07:002018-09-01T19:58:49.031-07:00relentless <div style="text-align: left;">
i need to learn to love you. </div>
<div>
something. </div>
<div>
somehow. </div>
<div>
needs to teach my stubborn soul how to kill self. </div>
<div>
how to make room. </div>
<div>
for the one who is broken. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
my broken is a vessel. </div>
<div>
pieces of old wood. </div>
<div>
that can become a shelter. </div>
<div>
for one who needs it most. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
even if you try to set me on fire. </div>
<div>
i'll be a roof that shelters you while i burn. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
even if you try to drown me. </div>
<div>
i'll be a raft that carries you until i sink. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you can come up </div>
<div>
with every excuse under the sun. </div>
<div>
of why i should let you go. </div>
<div>
but i won't.</div>
<div>
real love does not know how to give up. </div>
<div>
this love was never taught how to relent. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you can give me</div>
<div>
enough reasons to fill up an ocean.</div>
<div>
of why i shouldn't say another word.</div>
<div>
but i won't stop loving you. </div>
<div>
i won't stop carrying you. </div>
<div>
i won't stop loving you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
be the thorn in my side, </div>
<div>
i'll learn to care for you. </div>
<div>
to mend you as i bleed. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
be the scars on my hand, </div>
<div>
i'll be proud of you. </div>
<div>
i'll display all the things through which we've been. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because you don't know how to love yourself</div>
<div>
i'll do it for you. </div>
<div>
until you can stand on your own two feet. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because you don't know how to let someone care for you, </div>
<div>
i'll push my way in. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this love. </div>
<div>
is Heaven's love. </div>
<div>
you couldn't stop me even if you tried. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this song. </div>
<div>
is Heaven's song. </div>
<div>
you couldn't shut me up if you tried. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this pursuit. </div>
<div>
is Heaven's pursuit. </div>
<div>
darling, just get lost inside. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i've chosen to love you. </div>
<div>
forever i'll love you. </div>
<div>
there's no way out </div>
<div>
of this promise i've made you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and i'll be here until my goodbye. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-28777577889781795252018-07-27T23:30:00.000-07:002018-07-29T14:52:06.537-07:00learn to love <div style="text-align: left;">
i'm poured out as water. </div>
<div>
what have i done. </div>
<div>
where have i failed. </div>
<div>
i give wholeheartedly. </div>
<div>
only to be shattered wholeheartedly. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i try to breathe. </div>
<div>
but there's no more oxygen left. </div>
<div>
there's no time to self-protect. </div>
<div>
there's no more time to prove who's right and who's wrong. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what even is love. </div>
<div>
what did you mean when you said "love one another". </div>
<div>
what joke have we invented to feebly pretend that the profound sacredness of givenness does not exist. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i want to know. </div>
<div>
i want to know what it means to love. </div>
<div>
i don't care how much it'll hurt me. </div>
<div>
i don't care how wounded i'll become. </div>
<div>
let the scars pile on me. </div>
<div>
i want to know</div>
<div>
what it means to love. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
pursuit. </div>
<div>
you are pursuit. </div>
<div>
you are in conception, in life, in death, in glory, in sorrow, in betrayal, in hope. </div>
<div>
you are chasing. relentless. </div>
<div>
you don't give up. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i feel my strength bleed out of me. </div>
<div>
it will take all that i have. </div>
<div>
it will take all that is left of me. </div>
<div>
to forgive. </div>
<div>
to relent revenge. </div>
<div>
and receive mercy. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
pour it over me. </div>
<div>
pour into me the grace that will replace my oxygen.</div>
<div>
pour into me the mercy that will run through my veins like life. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i need to know what it means to love. </div>
<div>
there is no love without the pain. </div>
<div>
my existence is proof of your givinness. </div>
<div>
i am worth nothing. </div>
<div>
yet somehow you gave everything for me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i learn from you. </div>
<div>
i learn to love from you. </div>
<div>
i learn to mend from you. </div>
<div>
you are healing. </div>
<div>
you will teach me. </div>
<div>
you will teach me what it means to break open, and stretch out my arms, and pour out my deep into the hands that have cut me. </div>
<div>
to love is sacrifice. </div>
<div>
but giving is receiving. </div>
<div>
and there is no better gift than this- </div>
<div>
to live kingdom by living grace. </div>
<div>
to live kingdom by living mercy. </div>
<div>
to be kingdom by choosing love. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>oh the deep, deep love of jesus</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
it sings over me. </div>
<div>
you have loved me like this. you have loved me like this. </div>
<div>
you love me like this. </div>
<div>
i, too, will love like this. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because it's worth it. </div>
<div>
if my shatteredness can bring wholeness to even one soul, </div>
<div>
i have won the world. </div>
<div>
if my emptiness can bring fullness into one existence, </div>
<div>
i have been given my full share. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i was born to bring healing. </div>
<div>
i was born to give and pour and share and forgive and cry and weep with the hurting and laugh and dance with the hoping. </div>
<div>
i was given the love of a thousand angels </div>
<div>
so i may love this world back together again. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you told me to bear my cross. </div>
<div>
to crucify self. </div>
<div>
and embody a new being. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so i'll follow you. </div>
<div>
i'll walk in your footsteps. </div>
<div>
i'll surrender to the wooden beam and i won't resist the nails that pierce. </div>
<div>
i'll love those who hold the rod that hit me. </div>
<div>
i'll bless those who mock me as i bleed. </div>
<div>
because you did. for me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and in the end. love is victorious. </div>
<div>
i do not fight in humiliation or defeat. </div>
<div>
i do not struggle and wrestle only to fail. </div>
<div>
you have promised joy in the midst of every battle. </div>
<div>
and that joy swells my being with hope. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and like a beautiful exchange, the beauty will return to me. </div>
<div>
the gift of grace will rain over me with a downpour. </div>
<div>
heaven is invading earth in every tender act of mercy. </div>
<div>
and i won't stop getting lost in this wild love, </div>
<div>
until i reach home in heaven with you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<3</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-59943298797159446362018-06-23T15:13:00.000-07:002018-06-23T15:13:17.452-07:00to love the least <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>/ the only heart worth breaking is yours /</i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
silence falls. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it drapes like a curtain of stillness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
deep breaths. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
gentle winds. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>i wonder. i wonder if risking everything for the sake of love is any risk at all. </i>says Child. <i>if true love is giving everything, then losing everything is no risk at all. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Father smiles. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
His cradle wraps around His daughter's tender body. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>you only love to the extent you are willing to lose, child. </i>whispers Father. <i>withholding self is withholding love. withholding love is withholding life. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Child sinks into the warmness of her father. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
deep breaths. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>what's harder to give. </i>asks Child. <i>what you can see or what you cannot see. what you can hold in the palm of your hands or the things that you can only hold in your heart. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Father searches deep into the eyes of His beloved.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>it is hardest to give when you see no justified need. it is hardest to give when you are most hurt. it is hardest to give when there is no "thank you" in return. it is hardest to give when releasing involves uncomfortable surrender. it is hardest to give when the receiving heart is least deserving in the eyes of the giver. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it is hard to give your "i was wrong, i'm sorry". </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it is hard to give your "please come in. stay as long as you need". </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it is hard to give your "i will give up everything to sit here and listen to your heart".</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it is hard to give your "i don't understand. please help me understand". </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it is hard to give your "you hurt me. you left me bleeding. you betrayed my hope. you shattered my sanity. but i love you. but i choose you. but i release resentment in exchange for the receiving of healing grace". </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
...</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>why does it become harder to see the bloodshot eyes of my fellow piercing into my own soul. why does it become easier to forget the silent desperation earth is drowning in, the more i look away. why do i begin to come up with every excuse under the burning sun why i shouldn't give. why i shouldn't help. why they don't deserve it. why someone else should take care of it. why they should just get it together and take care of it themselves. </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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why does it become so bloody easy to excuse my selfishness. </div>
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to excuse my superiority. </div>
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to excuse my unwillingness to sacrifice. </div>
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<br /></div>
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why in all of good heavens could i think for even a moment that i'm better. </div>
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that i deserve more. </div>
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that i have no need to love others. the way i have been loved. </div>
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<br /></div>
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true love. is selfless love. </div>
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true love. is reckless love. </div>
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true love is a love so wild it is blinded to all color. all things we humans possess. all reasons of differences. and can only see one thing. </div>
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<br /></div>
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a living, beating heart. </div>
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<br /></div>
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i was born to give. </div>
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i was born to give of my fullness. and of my emptiness. </div>
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i was born to give of my joy. and of my pain. </div>
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i was born to live with outstretched arms and hands wide open. </div>
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i was born to pour endlessly so i can die with my bucket empty. </div>
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so i can die completely and fully given to love. </div>
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<br /></div>
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the only heart worth breaking is my own. </div>
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the only heart worth cracking wide open is my own pulping heart. </div>
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that way love can seep in. </div>
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that way the oxygen of kindness can revive the deadness of my soul. </div>
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that way. </div>
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heaven can come to earth just a little bit more. </div>
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<br /></div>
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[ the more heaven comes to earth, the more earth will look like family ]</div>
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<br /></div>
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world teaches that mistakes are cause for punishment. </div>
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heaven teaches that mistakes are cause for grace. </div>
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world teaches that those who have failed deserve to be isolated. </div>
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heaven teaches that those who have failed must be embraced. </div>
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world teaches to self-protect. </div>
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heaven teaches selfless givenness to protect others. </div>
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<br /></div>
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world takes what makes sense to create masks to hide the mess. </div>
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heaven embraces the mess to create radical, illogical, reckless pieces of utter beauty. </div>
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<br /></div>
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because true love makes no sense. </div>
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robbing heaven to save a broken world is illogical at the least. </div>
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pursuing the shattered, hell-stained souls of mortals to save them, heal them, and wrap them in the graces of heaven is reckless. </div>
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<br /></div>
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you </div>
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did </div>
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not</div>
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come</div>
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to</div>
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self</div>
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protect </div>
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<br /></div>
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you</div>
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did</div>
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not</div>
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come</div>
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to</div>
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build</div>
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walls</div>
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<br /></div>
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you came to tear down our walls and use those bricks to build bridges. </div>
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you came to love the least, the dirtiest, the weakest, the most fallen apart of us. </div>
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you came to breathe starlight in the rich and the poor. </div>
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you came to breathe fullness into our emptiness. </div>
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<br /></div>
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and you will stop at nothing. </div>
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until every last orphan has become a child. </div>
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until every last child has felt the love of the Father. </div>
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<br /></div>
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this is heaven. </div>
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to love the least of them. </div>
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to love others as you have loved us. </div>
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to love and love and love until the threats of hell are silenced by the songs of heaven. </div>
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until our hurting has been rewired into healing. </div>
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<br /></div>
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until our broken hearts. mend each other. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-61381365565058182202018-06-18T21:54:00.000-07:002018-06-18T22:12:51.461-07:00SACRED CHAOS <div>
i write it on the fragile skin of my arms. <br />
the words bleed into my veins. <br />
the ink sinks into the depths of me. </div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<i>it is not my right to understand. <br />true faith is surrender. <br />let love break you open and heal you</i>. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
god does not owe me an explanation. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how can i love when it hurts the most. <br />
how can i be kingdom in the fullness of my weakness. <br />
when i feel most alone. <br />
most forgotten. <br />
most overpowered. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how do i love with my one broken heart. <br />
how do i love in my brokenness. <br />
through my brokenness. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how do i surrender myself to let You use the very thing that hurts me the most to become my deepest healing. <br />
how in all of good heavens do i love right now. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how do i trust that any good will come out of this blessed wreck. this holy mess. this sacred chaos. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">blessed wreck <br />holy mess<br />sacred chaos</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
you count me worthy. <br />
you find me 'worth it'. <br />
this is my answer. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i am worthy of this suffering because i am worthy of the fruit and treasure this pain will bear. <br />
you haven't given up. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
that's why you still fight for me. <br />
that's why you bother to bother at all.<br />
because there's something there. <br />
something in me. <br />
something in my future. <br />
something in the depths of my existence. <br />
worth fighting for. </div>
<div>
i am worth the pain. <br />
good grief. <br />
that's it. <br />
i am worth the pain. <br />
both our pain. all this pain.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">blessed wreck <br />holy mess</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">sacred chaos</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
balm on a raw wound stings. <br />
mending is only possible through the pain of each piercing stitch. <br />
you never cause unnecessary pain. <br />
you never waste anything- especially suffering. <br />
the heart which you discipline is considered blessed. the soul which feels the piercing liberation of your correction is the most gifted of all. <br />
this is not wrath. <br />
this is mercy. <br />
this is not anger. <br />
this is grace. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
there's no point in asking why. <br />
i must stop seeking a way out of my brokenness. <br />
i must stop comparing my pain to the path i think i should be journeying. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i will love you. </div>
<div>
i was born to love you. <br />
i breathe to love you. <br />
and i will live to love you. <br />
<i>even unto death</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
there's no disconnect you can't reconnect. <br />
there's no distance you won't close in on. <br />
there's no empty you will leave unfilled. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i breathe it in. </div>
<div>
i breathe in this hope. </div>
<div>
you are redefining clarity. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
maybe it's not always about understanding. </div>
<div>
maybe it's just believing that suffering is always pregnant with miracle. </div>
<div>
maybe the [sacred] chaos doesn't always make sense. </div>
<div>
because You haven't finished painting the canvas of my existence. </div>
<div>
there's still work to be done. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
...there's still work to be done. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i close my eyes. </div>
<div>
my arms sing it with confidence. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>let love break you open and heal you</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
there it is. </div>
<div>
my skin is stained with those words written in my sloppy, uncreative, midnight scribbles. </div>
<div>
but i'm beginning to believe it. </div>
<div>
the words are dissolving into my bloodstream. </div>
<div>
they've reached my aching, pumping heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
there's no use in understanding</div>
<div>
if it only blinds you to truly believing. </div>
<div>
last time i checked, faith moves mountains. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i'll let You blindfold me and lead me into the great unknown. </div>
<div>
where all i have left to hold on to </div>
<div>
is Your gentle yet leading hand. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">blessed wreck</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">holy mess</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">sacred chaos </span></div>
<div>
</div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-53897277105296300682018-06-11T00:11:00.000-07:002018-06-11T00:11:50.587-07:00| miracle | <div style="text-align: left;">
i'm beginning to accept the silence. </div>
<div>
to get used to the nothing. </div>
<div>
to the emptiness that is never disrupted by the sound waves of the same three songs that somehow seem to wreck me a bit more every time i hear them. </div>
<div>
i'm getting used to the 'not knowing'. the 'not connected'. the 'what if i dont even exist anymore'. </div>
<div>
i dont know if it's a good getting used to. </div>
<div>
maybe it's a little bit of the both good and bad. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>silence </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
my candles are silent. </div>
<div>
they try hard to comfort me. </div>
<div>
they try hard to make me feel safe. </div>
<div>
to make the strangeness seem familiar.</div>
<div>
the wax is melting silently beneath the faithful flicker. </div>
<div>
<i>surrender </i></div>
<div>
it gives itself away. it allows itself to be used up. so maybe i'll crack a weak smile. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
each candle has its own rhythm. </div>
<div>
it's working. </div>
<div>
i feel comforted. </div>
<div>
they carry a presence. a promise. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
giving is healing. </div>
<div>
lending love is the only way you'll ever get it back. </div>
<div>
sowing grace is the only way you'll reap a harvest of kindness. the only way you'll experience the miracle of a Heaven that breaks itself wide open to rain mercy. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i close my eyes. </div>
<div>
my orchard is dry. </div>
<div>
my fruit has been swallowed by the wilderness sun. </div>
<div>
the cracks in the parched dirt seem to cry out against me. </div>
<div>
where there is no breaking. there is no sowing. where there is no tending. there is no reaping. where there is no reaping. there is no giving. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
eyes open. </div>
<div>
i look down. </div>
<div>
my hands look tired. </div>
<div>
they want to be held. </div>
<div>
but they're afraid of getting broken. </div>
<div>
they're afraid Someone will let go. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>sigh</i></div>
<div>
i grab my journal </div>
<div>
s c r i b b l e s c r i b b l e </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
words are my healing. </div>
<div>
the pen can say all the things my tongue doesnt know how. </div>
<div>
the ink memorizes my every thought and repeats them on the page over and over again. </div>
<div>
<i>silence</i></div>
<div>
strange thing. </div>
<div>
how words written down are silent. </div>
<div>
how you can write an infinity on paper and no one would ever know. </div>
<div>
but i know. </div>
<div>
...</div>
<div>
but You know. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what is pain. </div>
<div>
i want to ask You this. but You seem to want to dig deeper. </div>
<div>
i resist. </div>
<div>
but the question is fighting my shield of self-protection. it wants to be asked. </div>
<div>
i relent. </div>
<div>
okay. </div>
<div>
what is 'to be alone'. </div>
<div>
| is true dying being forgotten | </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You nudge my soul. </div>
<div>
You tug my heartstrings. </div>
<div>
You look up into my eyes and gaze straight into the galaxy of my mind. </div>
<div>
straight into the cosmos chaos of my tangled up soul. </div>
<div>
i feel You. </div>
<div>
pressing me to give in and let go.</div>
<div>
<i>letting go is different than giving up, child. </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
oh, is it? </div>
<div>
strange thing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>maybe if you learn to surrender you'll be ready to receive. </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
i squirm. </div>
<div>
You have a way. a way of making all the deep in me surface to the top. </div>
<div>
but it doesnt want to be seen. </div>
<div>
it wants to hide in isolation. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<strike>i s o l a t i o n </strike></div>
<div>
<i>no, child. i have a way of making the broken in you learn what it means to be loved. </i></div>
<div>
i was never meant to be alone. </div>
<div>
perfect is always a performance. </div>
<div>
because the authentic is always messy. </div>
<div>
but the messy is always real. </div>
<div>
and the real is always beautiful. </div>
<div>
<i>letting yourself be loved is a different sort of giving. it's the giving of your vulnerability. it's the giving of the rawness that feels safer when untouched. when you let your hurt be seen, it heals. </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
giving. </div>
<div>
to give. to be given. to be given to givenness. </div>
<div>
to pour and pour and pour until all of you is empty. </div>
<div>
then will you be full. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i smile. </div>
<div>
and i mean it too. </div>
<div>
You smile back at me. </div>
<div>
<i>see, child. it's not all that hard.</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You reach out your hand. </div>
<div>
Your palms are closed. there's something hidden in the middle of your gentle fist. </div>
<div>
i look up. </div>
<div>
{ childlike joy. wonder }</div>
<div>
' what's inside? ' </div>
<div>
<i>your miracle. </i></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
You smile. </div>
<div>
<i>but you must first reach out. open your hand. brave the emptiness. let go. and surrender to the receiving of My gift. </i></div>
<div>
brave the emptiness. </div>
<div>
it rings in my soul. </div>
<div>
brave the emptiness. </div>
<div>
brave the 'what if all my love is never deserving of being loved'. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i reach out. </div>
<div>
open my hand. </div>
<div>
and dare to experience the surrendering. </div>
<div>
Your anything is greater than my nothingness. </div>
<div>
the edge of Your garment holds more power than the universes combined. </div>
<div>
the faintest whisper of You can gather up my nothingness and create preciousness. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>let me love you. </i></div>
<div>
<i>let me reach into the places that are craving to be touched. </i></div>
<div>
<i>let me take you into the vulnerable of the uncomfortable so you can taste the sweetness of the nearness. </i></div>
<div>
<i>receive my miracle. </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
you place your precious gift in my shattered up hands. </div>
<div>
the sweet exchange. </div>
<div>
my nothing. for your everything. </div>
<div>
my emptiness. for your fullness. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i smile. </div>
<div>
You smile. </div>
<div>
<i>welcome to love, child. </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
- - - </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
even in the silence. </div>
<div>
i feel it coming. </div>
<div>
deep in my bones. </div>
<div>
in the depths of my deep. </div>
<div>
in the hidden. in the longing. in the waiting. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
my miracle. </div>
<div>
it's on its way. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
your promise. </div>
<div>
it's on its way. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
your "every good and perfect gift". </div>
<div>
like a rain cloud in the distance ready to shower my life with a storm of passion and gentle grace. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i know it. </div>
<div>
my miracle. </div>
<div>
it's coming.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-72964663294420702622018-05-31T10:20:00.000-07:002019-04-01T23:54:18.352-07:00CROWN MY YEAR<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i'm back again. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
on the same hill i've sat on for ages before. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
staring at the same tree. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the same sky. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the same creek. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the birds are different, i'm sure. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but they seem the same. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
same freedom. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
same soaring. like they don't have a care in the world. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
time. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
scary thought, don't you think? </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the way every day seems to pass so slowly yet years vanish before you even have a chance to say hello. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
seconds are blinks. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
minutes are loner. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
hours can seem short depending on what you're doing. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
days can last forever. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
weeks somehow slip away. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
months are like nighttime. you can't remember falling asleep and somehow it's morning. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but years. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
years are like stories. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
they hold our worlds. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
they hold our worst. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
they know our best. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
they're stored up in chapters. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
some we leave behind. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
some we wish we could burn. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
others we want to relive. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i'm staring into nothingness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and a new year is staring back at me. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
cause some number of years ago. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
a little girl was born. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
she cried a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
fussed a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
grew up. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and asked a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
twirled a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
grew up some more. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
she sang a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
played a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
got a little taller. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and learned a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
knew a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
she always wanted to be older. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
so she could explore a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
venture a lot. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but the time came when she broke a bit. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
hurt a bit. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and what seemed safe was no longer there</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it disappeared. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and her smile it turned to tears</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
she could no longer see</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the twinkle in the stars</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and the beauty in who she was. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and all of the sudden</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the heavens thought they had lost their little girl. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but there was a lover who knew </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the way back to her heart. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he took her, and loved her, and mended her hurt. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he listened. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he spoke. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he cried with her. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
sat with her. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
walked with her. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
danced with her. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he taught her to sing with tears streaming down her face. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he taught her to laugh through the sharpest of pains. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he taught her to dance.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he taught her to love. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he taught her to be wild. reckless. and overflowing with joy. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
hand-in-hand </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
they walked together. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
unraveled and undone. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but he had all her pieces, and loved her together. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
she found herself </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
in the heart of her lover. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he crowned her with grace. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and robed her in beauty. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
she was his jewel. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and he was her lifesource. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and that little girl was reborn from ashes. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
still dancing. still twirling. still laughing. still singing. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
...</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the nothingness seems peaceful. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
a world could be collapsing in my mind</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but here. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
there' stillness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i breathe in. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>you crown my year with bounty. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>you adorn my year with joy. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
a lifetime is so short compared to eternity. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but every moment matters. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
to heaven. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
every second is a treasure chest. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i'm ready. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i'm ready for a new chapter to my story. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
s c r a t c h t h a t </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i'm ready for you to rewrite my story. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>my story is not hidden. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>for it's written by your love. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>my heartbeat is not a secret. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>for you shaped it after yours. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
you'll crown this year with an abundance of goodness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i feel it deep deep down. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it doesn't matter what the world thinks. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it's just you and me. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
in the garden. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
at the beginning. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
intimacy. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
overflow. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
gladness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
bountiful harvest. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
goodness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
showers. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
abdunance. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it awaits. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
let it come. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
[ p s a l m 65 ] </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-45072368426646197882018-02-07T21:03:00.000-08:002018-02-07T21:04:12.654-08:00existence <div style="text-align: left;">
i look up.</div>
<div>
a reflection in a dirty mirror.</div>
<div>
foggy and unclear.</div>
<div>
fingerprints staining the glass.</div>
<div>
as if someone wanted to get on the other side.</div>
<div>
as if someone wanted to touch the soul in the reflection.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i want to look away.</div>
<div>
but i can't.</div>
<div>
i stare.</div>
<div>
i stare straight into the eyes.</div>
<div>
that pierce back at me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this is you.</div>
<div>
this is now.</div>
<div>
this is reality.</div>
<div>
not a fairytale</div>
<div>
not a dream.</div>
<div>
not a nightmare.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
real.</div>
<div>
breathe it in.</div>
<div>
breathe in the pain.</div>
<div>
breathe in the hurt.</div>
<div>
let every tear burn your cheeks </div>
<div>
to remind you.</div>
<div>
that you can't run away.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i stare.</div>
<div>
can't move.</div>
<div>
won't breathe.</div>
<div>
what if i shatter.</div>
<div>
if i dare blink.</div>
<div>
what if i break.</div>
<div>
if i try to wipe the tears that fall off my cheek.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
why does it hurt so much.</div>
<div>
<i>why </i></div>
<div>
<i>does </i></div>
<div>
<i>it </i></div>
<div>
<i>asdlkjfhlas</i></div>
<div>
<i>hurt</i></div>
<div>
<i>so</i></div>
<div>
<i>much</i></div>
<div>
<i>to</i></div>
<div>
<i>lose</i></div>
<div>
<i>what</i></div>
<div>
<i>i</i></div>
<div>
<i>love</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i breathe.</div>
<div>
silence.</div>
<div>
i stare.</div>
<div>
stone cold.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">"this is how deeply you can love"</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
a voice.</div>
<div>
so small</div>
<div>
a whisper.</div>
<div>
so faint</div>
<div>
i almost miss it.</div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">"this is the depths of your love. the core of your existence."</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i have never felt this before.</div>
<div>
i have never felt this kind of agony.</div>
<div>
no, i think.</div>
<div>
this is different</div>
<div>
this is not my strength</div>
<div>
this is my weakness.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this is what will break me.</div>
<div>
this is what will shatter every bone.</div>
<div>
this is what will steal every breath in my lungs.</div>
<div>
what will murder my heartbeat.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">"your beauty is your heart. your heart is your love. your love is your existence." </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what if.</div>
<div>
what if.</div>
<div>
what if.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i choke on my own thoughts.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what if this pain can teach me</div>
<div>
what i've been missing all along.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what if i never loved this deeply</div>
<div>
because i never knew how.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i close my eyes.</div>
<div>
<i>breathe</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i say i love you.</div>
<div>
i say you are my everything.</div>
<div>
i call you my Lover.</div>
<div>
i call you my Friend.</div>
<div>
i call you Father and Beauty.</div>
<div>
i call you my "because".</div>
<div>
but yet.</div>
<div>
it has never hurt this much to leave you.</div>
<div>
it has never hurt this much to turn my back away.</div>
<div>
it has never hurt this much to betray you.</div>
<div>
it has never hurt this much to forget to stay.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you</div>
<div>
you brought me here.</div>
<div>
not to tease me.</div>
<div>
not to mock me.</div>
<div>
not to shatter me.</div>
<div>
not to break me.</div>
<div>
not to curse me.</div>
<div>
not to haunt me.</div>
<div>
not to shame me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but to teach me.</div>
<div>
how to love.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how to love like this.</div>
<div>
infinitely.</div>
<div>
unconditionally.</div>
<div>
seeing no wrong</div>
<div>
and holding on to every right.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because that's how you love me.</div>
<div>
that's how you hold me.</div>
<div>
that's how you made me.</div>
<div>
that's how you adore me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
hold me</div>
<div>
hold me</div>
<div>
hold me</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
take me back to the beginning.</div>
<div>
teach me all over again.</div>
<div>
all over again, Abba.</div>
<div>
how to love like you.</div>
<div>
how to be. with you.</div>
<div>
how to stay. to exist. </div>
<div>
to breathe every breath with you.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
call me child again.</div>
<div>
call me beautiful again.</div>
<div>
call me beloved again.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
remind me.</div>
<div>
of all the places we've been.</div>
<div>
of all the adventures we've had.</div>
<div>
of all the meadows we've danced through.</div>
<div>
of all the stars we've gazed at together.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
take me back.</div>
<div>
and keep me there.</div>
<div>
forever.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because when i am with you.</div>
<div>
i love eternally.</div>
<div>
when i am in you.</div>
<div>
your heart becomes my existence. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<3</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-82649629041125782412018-02-05T10:45:00.000-08:002018-02-05T10:45:18.599-08:00DON'T LET GO<div style="text-align: left;">
you hold our whole universe in your hand.</div>
<div>
like a pile of fragile petals.</div>
<div>
my whole universe.</div>
<div>
like a weak and helpless rose.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you could leave at any moment.</div>
<div>
you could drop me at any moment.</div>
<div>
you could turn your face away at any moment.</div>
<div>
you could decide i am worth nothing.</div>
<div>
you could decide i am no longer worth loving.</div>
<div>
you could decide that all my failure has shattered me beyond repair.</div>
<div>
you could break me.</div>
<div>
you could unravel me with your very breath.</div>
<div>
you could let go.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but you don't.</div>
<div>
you don't turn away for even a moment.</div>
<div>
your eyes are fixed on me.</div>
<div>
your gaze is set on your beloved.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you watch me with delight</div>
<div>
as a mother watches her sleeping infant.</div>
<div>
you love me with passion</div>
<div>
as a groom adores his bride.</div>
<div>
you care for me with utter selflessness</div>
<div>
as a father who gives up his life for his child.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you still find me worthy.</div>
<div>
you value me at an infinite price.</div>
<div>
you count me worthy of dying for.</div>
<div>
of fighting for.</div>
<div>
of waiting for.</div>
<div>
of chasing down.</div>
<div>
of pursuing.</div>
<div>
your relentless pursuit.</div>
<div>
your wild love.</div>
<div>
your radical passion.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
who am i to deserve such love.</div>
<div>
my failures mock me.</div>
<div>
my shame cripples me.</div>
<div>
disgrace hangs over my head with humiliation.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i am not worthy of your love.</div>
<div>
i am not worthy of you adoration.</div>
<div>
yet still i crave it.</div>
<div>
yet still the depths of my soul long for it.</div>
<div>
you are my oxygen.</div>
<div>
you are my lifeline.</div>
<div>
the core of who i am knows i was meant for you.</div>
<div>
i was born to be yours.</div>
<div>
i exist to be with you.</div>
<div>
every breath is a cry for intimacy with you.</div>
<div>
every heartbeat longs for the arms of my lover.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you are.</div>
<div>
you are my universe.</div>
<div>
and i am yours.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and i know i never have to fear </div>
<div>
for your kindness holds me.</div>
<div>
you never let go.</div>
<div>
you don't let go.</div>
<div>
you won't let go</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
...of me.</div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-22054531599140065782018-01-23T22:57:00.000-08:002018-01-23T22:58:40.200-08:00-<div style="text-align: left;">
sometimes we fall apart.</div>
<div>
not because we want to</div>
<div>
but because we have to</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because we can't breathe anymore</div>
<div>
until we let the tears stream down</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because our hearts won't beat anymore</div>
<div>
until we let the pain hurt</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i don't want to run from what hurts</div>
<div>
it shapes me</div>
<div>
i don't want to pretend the broken isn't there</div>
<div>
because it's part of me</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
sometimes it's better to receive the gift of grieving</div>
<div>
than to let bitterness numb my soul</div>
<div>
sometimes it's better to fall apart in strong arms</div>
<div>
than to try holding up my crumbling world</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i don't know the answers</div>
<div>
i wish i did though</div>
<div>
i don't know why i feel empty</div>
<div>
when you call me full.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i look up at the stars</div>
<div>
<i>breathe</i></div>
<div>
night after night. they're always there.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i let the rain fall on my face</div>
<div>
<i>breathe</i></div>
<div>
i soak it all in deep.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this is good</div>
<div>
healing hurts</div>
<div>
why do i always think healing is easy</div>
<div>
why do i assume strength means an absence of pain.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
no.</div>
<div>
this is beautiful in the messy</div>
<div>
this is promise in the broken</div>
<div>
this is life in the dead of winter.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you teach me time and time again</div>
<div>
that i dont have it all together</div>
<div>
and i dont have to.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you dont want me to.</div>
<div>
why trade reality for a mask</div>
<div>
why sell authenticity for a show</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i do not live to perform</div>
<div>
i live for the authentic.</div>
<div>
i live vulnerable. </div>
<div>
i live to be real. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so i will be.</div>
<div>
and here it is.</div>
<div>
every heartbeat is my proof. my living proof. </div>
<div>
that there's beauty in the dead of winter.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
don't wait for me to be perfect.</div>
<div>
because i'll never be.</div>
<div>
expect me to be real.</div>
<div>
and you'll never be disappointed. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-77666144636848032452018-01-08T19:27:00.002-08:002018-01-08T19:27:51.000-08:00YOU ARE <div style="text-align: left;">
deep in my soul. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
it's beginning to blossom</div>
<div>
a song</div>
<div>
a dance</div>
<div>
a smile</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i know it's coming. </div>
<div>
i know you're coming. </div>
<div>
to dance with me. </div>
<div>
to sing with me. </div>
<div>
to walk with me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i can feel it in my bones. </div>
<div>
just like winter awaits the spring. </div>
<div>
i await your presence. </div>
<div>
i await the dawn of your coming. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. </div>
<div>
wait no- that's your smile. </div>
<div>
i can feel the cooling freshness of the wind blowing through me. </div>
<div>
wait- that's your breath. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you're in me. </div>
<div>
you surround me. </div>
<div>
you're the sun in my sky, the moon in my night. </div>
<div>
the waves of my seas, my very heartbeat. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i know you're not far away. </div>
<div>
you're here besides me. </div>
<div>
simple. yet so infinitely beautiful. </div>
<div>
will my heart ever be able to understand. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you are the promise that is never broken. </div>
<div>
you are the word that is always kept. </div>
<div>
you are the love that is always sincere. </div>
<div>
you are the heart that never forgets. </div>
<div>
you are the hand that gently holds me. </div>
<div>
you are the voice that sings me to sleep. </div>
<div>
you are the oxygen that gives life to my dry bones. </div>
<div>
you are the father that calls me to be near. </div>
<div>
you are the intimacy that never shames me. </div>
<div>
you are the truth that never rebukes. </div>
<div>
you are the hope that never gives up. </div>
<div>
you are the peace that overwhelms question. </div>
<div>
you are the fulfillment that overflows in longing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you are. </div>
<div>
you are my beauty. </div>
<div>
you are my because. </div>
<div>
you are my reason for living. </div>
<div>
you are my always.</div>
<div>
you are the fire in my soul. </div>
<div>
you are the grace in my heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you are my strength. </div>
<div>
you are my joy. </div>
<div>
you are friend. </div>
<div>
you are my love. </div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-18956504559430133492017-12-25T12:47:00.000-08:002017-12-25T12:47:51.285-08:00immanuel <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it's christmas. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
here in oregon. it's a white christmas. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
christmas was always a precious season in my life. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
over the past years christmas held much joy. and other years, much pain. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but always.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i treasured and stored every memory away in my heart. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it's easy to get caught up in the expectation of twinkling lights and packaged gifts. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it's easy to get lost in the jingle bells and jolly carols. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but somewhere. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
deep inside of us. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the Gift swell inside our souls. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
we know. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>immanuel </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>god with us</i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
[ a Father. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
bankrupts Heaven. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
so He may win. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
my soul. ]</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i look outside. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the stillness of a frozen wonderland begins to melt away. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i breathe it in. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
it's perfect. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
creation teaches me what it means to be still and know. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
what it means to just stop. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and breathe in His beauty. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
every snowflake. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
handcrafted by His creativity. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
formed by His imagination. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i can't help but smile. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
because in this joy. all fear is paralyzed. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
this Gift cripples disappointment. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
this Presence silences loneliness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>immanuel </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>god with us </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
[ a Lover. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
brings Heaven to us. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
then breathes Heaven</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
in us. ]</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the hot fire warms my cold hands. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
what more could i ask for. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
family. friends. delicious food. laughter and smiles. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>the more Heaven comes to earth. the more earth will look like family. </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He wanted us to smile. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He wanted us to know that hope never fails. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He wanted us to be completely sure that nothing could ever end His goodness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
completely convinced that He'll always be closer than the very oxygen that fills our lungs. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He wanted us to hold hands and sing at the top of our lungs. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He wanted us to laugh together until we couldn't breathe. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He wanted us to lose ourselves in wonder. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
to let our creativity run wild. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>god with us</i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
love with us</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
joy with us</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
peace with us</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
hope with us </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
goodness with us</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
grace with us</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
salvation with us</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
mercy with us</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
heaven with us. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-7739443494203999302017-12-23T09:59:00.000-08:002017-12-23T09:59:42.168-08:00awakening <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
christmas is two days away. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
rumor has it that we may have a white christmas after all.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i was flipping through one of my old journals last night finding my way back to what i wrote exactly one year ago from today. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
every completed journal of mine becomes a precious collection of encounters, prayers, prophetic words, and whispers the Father has spoken to my heart. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
every time i begin a new journal, i ask the Holy Spirit what He wants me to name the journal. the name becomes a promise or prophetic word over the next season of my life. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
last christmas i was in the undone. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
this past year i was in the process. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and my current writings are being held in my journal named the awakening. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
when i first began 'the awakening' a few months ago, my mind was painting beautiful pictures of what that word may mean.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
promise. beauty. discovery. answers. wonder.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i thought that somehow awakening means that the process is over. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
that the messy is done with. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
that questions are no longer asked but answered. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
that clarity falls over the season. and promise rises from its sleep. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but the Father had bigger plans for me. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He had answers. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
though He swelled my heart with wonder and filled my soul with joy. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He still wanted me to ask. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He still wanted me to search and pursue. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He saw into what I couldn't even imagine. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i scratched the surface. the Father called me into the deep. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i tasted goodness. the Father wooed me into an ocean of beauty. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He was awakening far more than i dreamed of. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of longing. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of awareness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of desire. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of vision. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of emotions. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of surrender. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of the authentic. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of the vulnerable and unfiltered. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of the depths of me. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of lamenting. and the gift that grieving truly is. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
awakening of joy that surpasses circumstances. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
a purified hope. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
a mature faith coupled with childlike wonder. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
a stilling of my restless soul. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he peeled masks off and taught me to live in the authentic. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he introduced me to wholeness and threw away my idea of pieces. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he convinced me. time and time again. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
that he is good. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he is perfect. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he is too wonderful for me. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and he will never leave. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
so i can dance through the mourning. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and sing through the grieving. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i am confident that joy is yet to come. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
and his goodness will not be withheld from me for even a moment. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
he is awakening</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
the heaven in me. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-49384958946061041302017-12-03T13:31:00.001-08:002017-12-03T13:31:56.996-08:00S A T I S F Y <div style="text-align: left;">
you satisfy me. </div>
<div>
<i>i'll let those words sink in</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
you are enough. </div>
<div>
you'll always be more than enough. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
help me remember. </div>
<div>
help me never lose sight of all the beauty that surrounds you. </div>
<div>
help me forever fix my gaze on my Lover. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you will keep me. </div>
<div>
you will hold me. </div>
<div>
you still hear me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
even when you feel a million miles away. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because you are a good good father. </div>
<div>
you are proud to be seen with me. </div>
<div>
you are kind to me. </div>
<div>
you listen. </div>
<div>
and speak to me. </div>
<div>
you teach me. and show me. </div>
<div>
what father means. </div>
<div>
what lover means. </div>
<div>
what wild love means. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i don't have to hide. </div>
<div>
there's no masks in your presence. </div>
<div>
no performing, </div>
<div>
no pretending. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because you love me. </div>
<div>
raw and messy. </div>
<div>
unfiltered and unmasked. </div>
<div>
beautifully undone. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so i'l close my eyes and leave behind all the lesser loves. </div>
<div>
i'll rest in your arms, next to your heart. </div>
<div>
cause that's exactly where i want to stay. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and i know that in that place</div>
<div>
my cup will overflow. </div>
<div>
because you are enough</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
to satisfy an eternity of longing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345450347076924743.post-14252137532115212172017-10-30T15:16:00.001-07:002017-10-30T15:16:20.247-07:00ALL OF YOU<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
look at me.<br />
look straight into my eyes.<br />
<br />
will you trust me.<br />
<br />
is all of me.<br />
enough<br />
to convince your heart<br />
to give me<br />
all of you.<br />
<br />
look at me.<br />
here's a glimpse<br />
straight into my heart.<br />
<br />
will you love me.<br />
<br />
is all of me.<br />
enough<br />
to open your hands<br />
to give me<br />
all of you.<br />
<br />
look at me.<br />
hold out your hands.<br />
here is my soul.<br />
<br />
will you choose me.<br />
<br />
is all of me.<br />
enough<br />
to convince all of you<br />
to free fall<br />
into my love.<br />
<br />
look at me.<br />
look at these scarred up hands.<br />
<br />
i fought for you.<br />
<br />
is all of me.<br />
enough<br />
to win over<br />
all of you.<br />
<br />
look at me.<br />
look at my heart.<br />
look at just how much i love you.<br />
just how much i want you.<br />
just how much i long for you.<br />
<br />
is all of me.<br />
enough<br />
for all of you.<br />
<br />
am i<br />
enough<br />
for<br />
you.<br />
<br />
cause<br />
all of me<br />
wants<br />
all of you.<br />
<br />
<3<br />
<br />Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06206892018301821133noreply@blogger.com2