remembrance

8:16 PM

in my silence you find a way into my thoughts. 
in my coldness you find a way into my heart. 

i feel you press into my open wounds. 
the blood is spilling but you're still holding my broken parts. 
is this how you remind me of your presence. 
is wounding the path into remembrance. 
awareness 

why does it always feel like i've been here before. 
why does it always feel like i'm still standing. never moving. 
never growing? 
no. i was meant to forever be changing. 

life is found in the movement of our being. 
there is no life without seasons. 
no existence without the deepening. 
...now growing without the breaking?

how is it that i learn the most when i hurt the most. 

oh, but how you know me. 
you find your way inside the dungeon of my emptiness. 
what happens when i don't want to be loved? 

when i don't know how to be loved? 

you pursue me. 
how do i respond to a love so wild. 
you fight for me. 
how do i surrender to a force that will never relent. 
you wrestle with me. 
you won't rest until you convince me. 
of all that you are. 

have me. 
take me. 
break me. 
all yours 
all yours 
all yours. 

all in. 
sinking. 
deep end. 

in the silence i listen to my lungs breathing. 
this is you. 
my air. 
my oxygen. 
l i f e s o u r c e 

how is it that i keep forgetting. 
the purpose for my living. 

remembrance is the nurturing of intimacy. 
always finding my way to the beginning. 
there is a beauty in the simplicity. 
when nothing else is needed. 
you are my everything. 

my head knows it. will my heart believe it? 
to trust that you know better best and i can release to your working. 

[ release is a difference kind of receiving. 
  surrender is its own kind of healing. ]

yes. 
my believing is my awakening. 
i am not to think i am entitled to life the way i thought it should be. 
you are the one who dwells in sovereignty. 
teach me. maybe for the a thousandth time over again. 
freedom is found when i learn to relent. 

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4 comments

  1. this is a pretty piece ashley, you write with great maturity!! it was nice to see you today and to know you are still writing!!!

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  2. It is always a hard thing to accept that we grow best through our hard times, and to know that God has it all in his care and we need only to trust, simple but hard at the same time.

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  3. "the blood is spilling but you're still holding my broken parts." This was one of my favorite lines! Thank you for always inspiring me. <3

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  4. Oh dear you brought tears in my eyes

    this POWERFUL and TOUCHING !

    learning is most when we are hurt i agree strongly dear Ashley !
    hugs!

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