Because Life

3:52 PM

Sometimes we I just don't know. I don't know what my next step will be. Where the next turn in my journey will lead me. Why I'm traveling the roads I'm on. How much longer it will take until I can finally breathe. I don't know.
But it's okay.

I'm the kind of person that often has the need to know everything. Possibly rising from my desire to be in control, my mind panics when mysteries confront me. Recently, however, I've been learning to smile. Amidst the confusion, the gushes of wind that occasionally attempt to blow me over, the pain- I've been seeking joy. Seeking peace. Submitting to trust.

I've realized over the past few months, that I will never be in control. That I can never be in control. My heart is too fragile, my spirit too weak and my soul too scarred to even attempt playing "queen" over my own life. As I grew up, I saw how our world drowns in the idea that "it's my life".
Having walked through different experiences, I have come to see what a gift life is. It is never ours. We never have a right to our life. There is only One who gives and who takes away. Yes, we are given a choice. But we are also held accountable.

As I've been pondering over these thoughts, I realized that it truly is a choice. How easy it is to selfishly claim all we've been given as our own and run off to suffocate in our guilty pleasures. Yet how satisfying it is to surrender. How fulfilling it is to submit. To understand that we don't have to walk through life alone. Even when all else fails, He is our steadfast. When all other lights burn out, He is the light that continues to shine brightly.

In all honesty, I truly do not believe that the Christian life is one of rainbows and fairy dust. We will not be showered with all our heart's desires raining from the heavens and there will be pain. Pain, in fact, may be a sign of true devotion to the Lord. Our world no longer sees right from wrong. No longer values purity. No longer is rooted in the truths of the Gospel. Our world is filled with hatred to all those who call on His name.

So I ask myself- will I be strong? will I be faithful?

I am young- my life is just beginning. So my daily prayer is to allow the Lord to write out the story of my life. To give Him the pen and paper and let Him lead. Letting go, and letting God.
And through everything, I can find joy. Peace can become a reality. Faith can strengthen me. Because it is no longer me, it is Him. And that is true hope.

//for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.// ~Jeremiah 29:11





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3 comments

  1. Very true! This is a well-written post. :)

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  2. Wonderful prayer, and Jeremiah 29:11 is such an encouraging verse. It's good to know that while we cannot always see the road ahead, we have a heavenly Father who is watching out for us. Thanks for sharing, Ashley!

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  3. I have been through a phase where I was so lost just because of so much uncertainty, but now I am more aware of the fact that I can;t control everything, just like you said. And yes, I agree - it's okay :)

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